I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
one might say we're banned from that church
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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