I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize