dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
