I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
