Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
