I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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