I bet he comes in French.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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