If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
