Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
