Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
