I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
