9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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