Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
