K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am one with the molecules
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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