I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
