The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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