we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
