Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
