Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
