So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
