I think I died a long time ago.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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