Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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