And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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