There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
