Your mouth is God's brothel.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
