The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
