haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
