Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
