He is an equal opportunity slut.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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