It's like God shit irony all over that family
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
