my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
