I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
