I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
