My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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