I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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