Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
