Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
