Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Randomize
