dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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