i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
