I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
