we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
