I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize