Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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