I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
