Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
