did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
