hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
