I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
