Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
