They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
