in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
