He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
honey bunches of taint.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
