mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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