If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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