Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
