it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
