bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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