if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
