420 ftw
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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