I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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