There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
