Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
