that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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