grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
