Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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