and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
