can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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