don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
