just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize